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Why So Downcast O My Soul?

The music was upbeat, the lyrics full of power. My feet lifted, as they bowed to the energetic atmosphere at the concert but why was my heart heavy? It was hours before my aunt-in-law was to breathe her last. She had bowed to cancer. We weren't close, but she was a nice and pleasant lady. She worked hard to raise her two girls. Mum and sisters would speak fondly of her.

I remember in the year 2015 when I was at a conference, the speaker was saying many uplifting things but my heart was heavy. I had received news that likely we had lost two colleagues at Mount Kinabalu.

He and I had taught the same level a couple of years. We had many quality conversations. A very decent good guy. A friend. I was prompted to ask him for a catch-up session, not having seen each other for more than two years. There's still a tinge of regret I didn't respond to it...

And I was slowly coming to terms with my cousin's death in May. My family and I had gone back to my dad's hometown in December a year before she passed on. Five months later, we had received news my cheerful super-easy-going cousin had died of a heart attack.

Life is vulnerable. Though not in close proximity with these three dear souls, I sensed my heart experiencing a tension I couldn't really put a finger on. Is it grief? Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God.

This story can be found in Precious Moments in the Wilderness.

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